


New Year's Morning

by STARSdidathing



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cuddling & Snuggling, Feelings, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Loki & Tony Stark Friendship, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, M/M, Morning After, Morning Cuddles, New Year's Fluff, New Year's Kiss, New Years, Possibly Unrequited Love, Tony Angst, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 14:01:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13249725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/STARSdidathing/pseuds/STARSdidathing
Summary: It only took one drunken kiss on New Years Eve to turn Tony's world upside down and it only took one morning to make his heart sink as he looked over at the person sleeping in the bed beside him.





	New Year's Morning

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh, first post for the New Year and it’s a oneshot I’m still debating my own thoughts on. Ah well, I hope someone out there likes it XD
> 
> I meant to post this earlier (what with the subject matter and all) but, well, tbh, I stalled, heh. I’ll explain why in the notes at the end of the fic, but you should probably read it first, then it will make more sense ;P
> 
> So yes, enjoy!

When Tony woke up he had a headache and a bad taste in his mouth. He also wasn’t alone in the bed and when he shifted to look over his shoulder his eyes flew wide and his heart raced with a mixture of panic and horror.

_Oh no. Oh god, no._

But his pleading didn’t change the fact that his best friend was lying in bed beside him, naked, covered in small bite marks and with an arm wrapped around Tony’s waist.

It was blindingly obvious that they’d just slept together.

And Loki looked gorgeous lying there. He was sleeping peacefully and completely unaware of what had just happened between them. Tony was trying desperately to remember the previous night himself, trying to remember something, _anything_ that would give him a glimpse at what had happened to get them where they were now. 

It was New Years and there had been too much alcohol, a lot of laughter and Tony could remember pressing in close to his friend’s chest. He could remember looking up at Loki and whispering ‘ _happy new year_ ’ before he moved onto his tiptoes to kiss Loki at midnight. 

Tony had been high on the excitement of the party, unable to look away from Loki’s handsome face and fond smile. The desperate longing Tony had for his friend was never far from his heart or mind and it had burst out through Tony’s body in that moment, making him close the distance he’d tried so hard to keep between them for years.

But then Loki had kissed him back.

And Tony could remember curving into Loki’s embrace, moaning softly when Loki’s hand had come to cup his waist. Tony had dropped his drink to tangle a hand in Loki’s hair and when they pulled apart they had stared at each other for a long moment before Tony had kissed him again.

He couldn’t remember stumbling out of the living room and away from the other party-goers. He couldn’t remember getting to a bedroom, but he _could_ remember pulling Loki’s shirt off and running his lips over the taller man’s neck. He could remember kissing Loki for all he was worth and clinging to him tightly. Tony could also remember Loki pressing over and then into him as Tony chanted Loki’s name and held the other man close, getting so many of his fantasies fulfilled all in one night.

 _But this isn’t a fantasy now, fuck it’s a nightmare_ , Tony’s mind hissed at him, and Tony closed his eyes tightly, unable to hide from his wince and dread in the cold light of day.

Because, yeah, sleeping with Loki was a fantasy and a good way to get himself off when Tony was alone at night and unable to stop thinking about his friend - but that was where it all ended, because Tony didn’t just want a one-night stand he wanted... god, he wanted _Loki_.

Tony had been in love with Loki for years, but Loki didn’t play for keeps. Tony might have only had a sum total of one serious girlfriend, but Loki was Mr One-Night Stand himself and Tony hadn’t wanted to give in to a night with Loki only to be tossed to the side the next day.

But, _of course_ , he finally gave in when he was drunk and couldn’t even properly enjoy himself or memorise what it was like to have Loki’s mischievous green eyes locked on his own, that sly smirk pressed against his mouth and Loki’s perfect voice rough with arousal as he moaned Tony’s name. Now he had nothing but fractured glimpses of a night with Loki - _now_ he had to watch Loki wake up and shrug off their night together like it was nothing.

 _Fuck_ , Tony internally hissed and dropped back from his slightly raised position to collapse against the pillows and the mattress. 

The problem was that the small movement made Loki stir slightly and Tony’s breath caught as his eyes widened. He spent a moment frozen, unsure what to do, but as Loki started to wake further, Tony decided to stick his head very decidedly in the sand by closing his eyes and pretending to be sleeping.

 _He can’t kick me out if I’m not awake yet_ , he told himself firmly, clinging tight to that hope and the feeling of being held in Loki’s arms.

“Shit,” Tony heard Loki hiss under his breath a few moments later and that made Tony’s heart sink, the feeling only got worse when Loki quickly but carefully retracted his arm like he was wrapped around some kind of bomb.

He didn’t get out of bed though, at least. Maybe he didn’t think he could sneak away without waking Tony, or maybe he just wasn’t willing to run and leave his best friend to wake up alone and confused?

It didn’t make it any easier to turn and face what was in front of him, but Tony knew he didn’t have a choice. He might have been carefully nursing and protecting a candle that had been burning for Loki pretty much since the moment they’d met, but that didn’t mean Loki was suddenly going to love him back.

It didn’t mean that what he was about to hear wouldn’t make Tony know, undeniably, that his candle was never going to get him anywhere. But he’d set this all in motion by kissing Loki last night. He’d very literally made his bed and now he had to lie in it.

Swallowing, Tony opened his eyes and shifted to look over his shoulder. He found Loki’s eyes far too easily and found them uncertain and uncomfortable. Tony tried for a smile but he knew it wasn’t one of his best. “Hi.”

“How long have you been awake?” Loki instantly queried, realising he wasn’t the first to awaken.

It made Tony sigh and shift until he was lying on his back, no longer looking at his friend. “Couple of minutes.”

He felt the bed shift a moment later and knew Loki was now in a matching position; the sheet around their lower bodies, their hands inches from each other on the mattress and their eyes carefully focused on the ceiling instead of each other. It was white, unblemished and infinitely easier to look at than one another and all the marks they bore of a night spent together.

A million different thoughts were running through Tony’s mind, a million different ways to play it off--‘ _it was a mistake_ ’ or ‘ _and so we shall never speak of this again_ ’ and maybe even, ‘ _damn, we had too much alcohol, whoops_ ’--but when Tony’s eyes shifted from the ceiling they became riveted by their hands which were almost touching, and suddenly, none of the sensible words were the ones that were slipping out, “Do you think we could do this again when we’re sober?” 

Tony also found his fingers shifting just enough to lightly brush over the back of Loki’s hand tentatively. Tony was nervous and hopeful and terrified in a way he’d never quite been before as he hesitantly offered his heart for the taking.

“...Tony.”

And with that one awkward, uncomfortable, _uninterested_ word, Tony felt all of his chances get shot down in flames, making his heart slam painful and unwanted back into his chest. Tony tried his best not to let the wrenching pain of it show on his face.

Tony tried for flippant and for a laugh but it sounded fake and rough even to his own ears. “Yeah, of course. Sorry. I mean, why would you, right? You don’t like second samples.”

God, he sounded so bitter, so very nearly showing how utterly gutted he was to be told that being with Loki-- _dating_ Loki, really was as impossible as he’d always known it to be.

 _Fuck_ , Tony clenched the fist that was hidden from Loki’s view. _Should never have kissed him. Should never have **asked**. So obvious. God, he **has** to know what this means to you now._

“Tony,” Loki spoke again, his voice much softer, more sympathetic-- _pitying_ \--and Tony moved away on instinct, moving to go, get out, _flee_ and not have to hear that soft tone tell Tony that he wasn’t wanted and that this wasn’t _reciprocated_.

But before he could get far Loki was moving and quickly wrapping his arm around Tony’s waist in order to tug him back into the circle of the taller man’s arms and that... okay that was not _fair_. Loki rarely hugged him and that was why it was a fucking joy, a fucking _treasure_ when Loki did. Loki also knew how much Tony loved it and it was why he had begun to use it as both an apology and a gift throughout their friendship.

It also made Tony’s traitorous body press and curl back into the touch before he could even think about it. Tony still gritted his teeth, something frustrated and petty coming to life as he hissed, “That’s not _fair_.”

He felt a small, soft chuckle get brushed against his neck and god, it made Tony shiver instinctively, his mind and body still unable to get used to so much of Loki’s _bare skin_ pressed against his own, let alone what that breath did to him; the sparks of memories that it triggered.

“Tony,” Loki told him, mouth far too close to his neck and his ear. His voice soothing and fuck, _no, no_ not regretful - Tony didn’t want to hear this, didn’t want to hear _rejection_.

“Loki. Please. Don’t-” Tony shut his eyes tightly. “I know, okay? I... I get it.” Those words were so hard to say, like sandpaper on his throat while his stomach churned with the acid and pain of knowing that the candle he held was all his own and never going to become something Loki wanted. “Just, let me not have to hear it, please?” Tony knew it was stupid, but he still pressed back against his friend’s chest, seeking comfort. “We did a stupid thing. We can forget it. I... I get it. No more, no... anything.” He swallowed and his voice came out too soft, too dejected. “I get it.”

_I know you don’t like me back._

“Do you?” Loki questioned into the silence that had fallen, almost too soft to hear if he wasn’t whispering it right by Tony’s ear. “Tony. Do you know why I don’t have romantic entanglements?”

Tony shrugged slightly, his eyes focused on the bedsheet that his fingers were fiddling with. “You never liked anyone enough?”

“Well, partly,” Loki agreed, and his words actually sounded stilted, uncomfortable and it was something Tony had only ever heard when he was talking about his family and the minefield that was his feelings about them. “But I... I grow _bored_ easily, Tony. You’ve seen this in our friendship; surely you can see how I would grow bored in a relationship?”

Which, yeah, okay, Tony had noticed that about Loki, but the same could be said for him. They needed to be challenged to stay interested, it was why Tony had few friends and Loki had well, Tony, and no one else.

It was why Loki was so hard to shake from his heart; because Loki was everything Tony could have ever wanted and no one else could ever measure up. Tony couldn’t move on to someone else, because there was no one worthwhile to move on _to_.

But Tony didn’t get a chance to reply or agree as Loki suddenly continued, his voice loud in the silence of the room, “I’m not... I do not make friends easily; more often than not I am offending people by saying what I think about them, usually because I’ve grown irritated by them pestering me. I can only imagine the disaster I would create with a lover.”

“Your insults have never bothered me,” Tony murmured quietly, half because it was true and half because, damn it he wanted to prove he wouldn’t be a disaster if Loki just took a chance with him.

Because, yeah, Loki was caustic as hell when he was in a bad mood or wanted to be left alone. You couldn’t be friends with Loki without being cut. He’d told Rhodey once that making friends with Loki was like learning how to throw knives; totally worth it, but dangerous and painful at the start. He didn’t come out of it without wounds (and he sure as hell shouted insults and accusations back at Loki whenever he was having one of his rages) but he’d learnt when to pick a fight and when to grit his teeth and wait for the storm to pass.

It was how _Loki_ learnt to apologise to Tony with a hug or an explanation as to what had happened to make him lash out. He didn’t actually say ‘ _I’m sorry_ ’ but he usually softened afterwards and let Tony chose whatever they would next do together without a fight. It was Loki’s way of making it up to him.

“And you are unique for that, Tony,” Loki told him quietly. “You are my sole friend and incredibly precious for that reason.” Tony could actually hear Loki swallow. “I cannot change who I am; my boredom, my anger, my inclination to push people away when they get too close... but sex with people I will never see again? Simple, easy.” Tony felt Loki’s forehead press against the back of Tony’s head before he spoke, his voice a frustrated hiss, “I do not have relationships because I am _terrible_ at them.”

Tony found himself chewing his lip when Loki finished. His heart still felt battered and continued to ache, but the _stupid_ organ had decided to take Loki’s words and flutter with hope. Tony just tried to ignore it and the way it tightened his chest.

“I don’t think you’re terrible at relationships, Loki,” Tony told him quietly and a small smile twitched at his mouth. “You’re an asshole, but I think that’s a separate issue.”

Loki let out a huff of breath and whacked his chest slightly and that... that made Tony relax a little bit more. Because, if they could joke about this, then that meant that their friendship wasn’t completely destroyed. And maybe Tony wanted more; maybe he was hopeful for something else but... Loki hadn’t actually said anything about liking him _back_. And that meant that Tony had to accept that it wasn’t a possibility, that this might be all he got. And it hurt, but he still loved Loki and he wanted to keep the other man in his life, even if that meant they’d only ever remain as friends.

“I never meant to sleep with you, Tony,” Loki told him and that, _ouch_ , yeah, that sent a sharp shard of pain through his heart and Tony couldn’t stop his flinch. It only got worse when Loki added, just as simply, “I worked out you had feelings for me a few months ago.”

Tony winced but he still tried to let it roll off him, to be sarcastic instead of weary and depressed. “Well, thanks for the heads up.”

“What was I to say?” Loki demanded instantly. “You are my _friend_ and I didn’t want to ruin what we shared. I spent _weeks_ debating what I felt for you and if I dared to risk our friendship for a deeper relationship that I was certain I would be horrible at. I-”

But Tony cut Loki off, his heart pounding as he squirmed and shifted in Loki’s hold, pushing him back enough so that Tony could face Loki. He was staring at his friend with incredulity while Loki just looked tense and unhappy - cornered even, because Loki didn’t like talking about feelings if he could help it. He preferred to speak in broad terms or outright ignore what was happening. Yet, here he was, explaining his side of things, hell, explaining that he had _considered_ something with Tony and that was something the brunet was going to desperately cling to.

“Are you saying you were thinking about dating me?” Tony asked, his body flush with hope and nerves and making him feel like he was on a precipice looking down at a long fall or a bright flight. 

Loki’s eyes flittered away. “I... considered it, but I didn’t want to lose our friendship. So I did nothing.” He let out a huff off a laugh, his eyes falling to the bedding and their barely covered bodies before coming back to look at Tony. “But I suppose our friendship has changed now, one way or another.”

Tony’s heart was pounding and he felt like there was a small tremble in his fingers. “Are you... are you saying we can try something?”

 _Say yes to this, please_ , Tony thought. _Tell me I can date you and prove that you wouldn’t be terrible at relationships, that you’d be amazing, that **we’d** be amazing. Give me a chance. Please, please, come on, **please**._

“I was always attracted to you, Tony,” Loki told him with a small smirk, “and ill-advised though last night might have been we obviously wanted it.” He gave a small shrug. “Hopefully you will continue to prove an exception to my rule about relationships-” 

Tony cut Loki off by tackling his friend in a hug. Loki let out a loud ‘ _oomph_ ’ and swore slightly, but Tony didn’t care, he was too giddy, too full of _happiness_ as he wrapped himself around his friend and pressed a firm, affectionate kiss on the other man’s jaw. He didn’t dare to kiss the other man’s lips yet, not with a hell of a lot of things still going unsaid and Loki slightly tense under his onslaught of affection, but this... this was _more_ than enough.

“Hell yes, I’m going to be an exception,” Tony told him, firm and with a bright smile as he looked into the other man’s slightly sceptical face. “We’re going to be great; _this_ is going to be great, and you’re not going to be terrible, you fucking idiot. You’re going to be amazing, you always are, how else would I have fallen in love-”

Tony stiffened, his eyes widening at the words he’d started to blurt. 

“Um, I, uh,” Tony stuttered, trying and failing to find a way to take back what he’d said, but Loki to Tony’s surprise, just quirked a small smile before his long fingers were cupping Tony’s slightly flushing cheek. He tugged Tony down until he could press a feather light, chaste kiss to Tony’s lips that almost stopped the brunet’s heart at how tender it was. 

When Loki lightly broke the kiss a few moments later, Tony was still blinking in astonishment even as Loki encouraged him to lie down on Loki’s chest.

“Hush, Tony,” Loki told him simply and Tony heard Loki hesitate before he admitted, “You mean a lot to me too. Why else would I care about losing you?”

“You won’t lose me,” Tony answered him instantly, but he could still see the doubt in Loki’s expression when he peeked a glance at the other man’s face. He could also see worry - fear even as Loki still believed he would destroy both their friendship and any kind of romantic relationship that they shared.

But that actually _relieved_ Tony; doubt and fear he could handle, and proving Loki wrong he could do with cheer and determination. But there would have been nothing he could do if Loki didn’t like him back.

 _But he does like you back_ , and that, holy shit, that made Tony feel like bouncing around the room or shouting it from the rooftops. But both of those things would involve moving from his position cuddling up to Loki and Tony had absolutely zero plans of stopping that anytime soon.

Their relationship would take work, but Tony wasn’t afraid of that. Loki had always been worth a little extra time, care and patience. Tony wasn’t about to stop now, not when for the first time, he felt like his little candle was burning bright with the fires of acceptance.

He had his chance and Tony wasn’t going to squander it.

 _Happy New Year_ , he thought with a grin that he hid in Loki’s chest as the other man actually cuddled him back without grumbles or an argument. _Looks like I started it the right way after all._

**Author's Note:**

> This story omg, talk about stall. And do you know why? BECAUSE I HAD TO FIGURE OUT LOKI’S SIDE OF THINGS THAT’S WHY. Coming up with why he’d never started something with Tony? Omg, so damn hard. It’s not what I’m used to okay? No wonder I don’t write pining!Tony often! Talk about difficulties -_- But I wanted to write Tony in love first so DAMN IT I WAS DETERMINED. And yeah, heh. I hope you all liked that deviation from the standard script XD 
> 
> And also, Happy New Year everyone, I hope you had a nice one!


End file.
